Interview with a Danger

The following is an excerpt from an interview of Nick Danger, by H. Scoop Thompson conducted on a covert surveillance boat in parts unknown.

S.T. So, you’re out here on some top secret mission?

N.D. No secret, from time to time Congress and the president call on me to fill roles in world saving missions. Today we are intercepting some cronies of Professor Buzzkill as they come to exploit nearby uranium mine.

S.T. Well, we certainly wish you the best with that Nick Danger. What new products can we expect to see coming out of the Danger Labs?

N.D. We have a team working on a new style breast implant.

S.T. New style, what’s that all about?

N.D. What we’re developing is a breast for women’s back. You know, for slow dancing and such.

S.T. Another wonderful development for the betterment of mankind, thank you Mr. Danger

N.D. I’ll pass your thanks along to the good folks in the labs. They are also developing disposable toothbrushes; you just swallow ‘em.

S.T. No shit?

N.D. No Shit.

S.T. You were seen with high ranking Republican Leadership recently. What was that all about?

N.D. That puss Frist! I basically have to tell him to grow a pair. I told him we were pushing through Bolton and he was going to have to rally the troops and show some fucking leadership or he was going to lose any backing in the ’08 primaries.

S.T. Interesting, Is this just another day for Nick Danger?

N.D. I don’t think there’s any such thing.

S.T. It would seem not. You were also recently seen in court over an advertising dispute.

N.D. Yeah, I sold Tampax the phrase, “so comfortable you’ll stuck one in your butt too”. Those bastards reneged on our deal. After they convinced me to let them change ass to butt, they wanted to change the royalty structure.

S.T. So it was a bitter dispute.

N.D. Well, I still am long in their stock. It’s a good place to park cash I like the stability of feminine hygiene profits. I don’t want to go hiding under a rock at the first sign of a swell in the value of the Euro, but this post 9-11 market keep you guessing. Who would have thought gold would be such a late bloomer from the last recession?

S.T. Not me

N.D. Fuckin-a-right not you.