Did I Mention I'll Waive The Security Deposit

One thing my neighbor Chas and I count on each other for is stress relief. At the end of a bad day I can look forward to cussing Chas out as if it were his fault. I am happy to return the favor and receive his verbal abuse in return. I don’t know why, perhaps it’s a guy thing, but we just end up berating each other often. No offence is ever taken, in fact, to us its endearing.
One misty morning as I stepped out onto my porch, I noticed Chas’s cat leaning out of his upstairs window. I told Nick Jr. to go let Chas know to bring the cat in and shut the window. Soon, I saw Chas walking up to the window. I decided to greet him with some sailor lingo. “Hey fuck-face, keep you’re piece of shit cat inside! We have enough strays around this shit hole without your dumb ass letting your cat out for a fuck fest!”
Just to make me feel wanted Chas retorted with feeling. “Fuck YOU mother fucker. My god damn cat will use these strays as cum dumpsters if he fuckin’ wants to!”
It was about this time I spied the landlord from the rental across the street showing his property to a young couple. The three adults and two children in their party looked as if the were witnessing a murder. Their pale faces stared unblinking; they had become statues of stunned figures.
Chas was continuing his bombardment of filth. I’m not sure but I believe he was instructing me to perform fellatio on him while he defecated. I kept a straight face as I threatened to leave another dead cat in his hot tub. As the party across the street left I smiled and waved. I never said anything to Paul (the landlord) but I think he knew I was saying “We’ll just keep having NO neighbors for now, thank you”