Movie Synopsis

One job I would like to land is “movie synopsis writer”. You know, like for T.V. Guide. I would have so much fun giving MY interpretations of the movies I’ve seen. Here are a few.

Thelma and Louise: A harrowing expose into the effects of women’s liberation on two confused women.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Four spoiled pieces of shit get their come-upins

E.T.: The gospel of Jesus Christ with a short reptile with a head shaped like an eggplant portraying Christ

Dumbo: Freak tricked into thinking there’s something positive about his condition.

Surf Nazis Must Die: A realistic look into post-apocalyptic California

9 to 5: Four drug crazed working women plot to kidnap and kill their boss

The Goonies: Band of delinquent children defy all safety concerns to steal ill-gotten gains

One Flew Over the CooCoo’s Nest: An American Indian asserts himself.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit: Aminated rabbit foils plans for freeway system.

Pulp Fiction: Boxer kills heroine addict in karmic whirlwind.

Bruce Almighty: Hour and a half of not even seeing Jennifer Aniston’s bra!

What movie synopsis do you have that may change our points of view?

my attempt at writing for children.

When Eric awoke he kept his eyes closed and didn’t move for a few minutes. He didn’t want to get off his cot. He didn’t want to face what his life had become. After lying there long enough he started replaying the events that had landed him in prison. This thought process usually ended in crying. Eric rose to a sitting position, desperate for anything to get his mind focused elsewhere. He looked to the floor and saw his sandals were awaiting his feet. He stepped off his cot and slipped into them. He stepped to his door, turned his head side ways, and smashed the side of his face against the long skinny window in the cold steel door. There was chicken wire embedded within the glass. From this vantage point he could usually see a clock. Now he could only see a glare where the clock usually was. This indicated that it was earlier than five a.m. That is when the courtyard lights are turned off.
It was with joy that Eric then felt the urge to crap. Anything that passed time was a welcome friend. Defecating was no exception. Eric took the familiar three step walk to the toilet, looking at his cell mate, Doug. He hoped the smell wouldn’t wake him. Standing in front of the cold aluminum bowl facing away, Eric stretched his neck and arms. He was unconsciously stretching out every activity in an effort to pass time. As he dropped his trousers and squatted down he thought he felt a few drops of urine against the back of his leg. He sat and watched Doug for signs of consciousness.
Doug was curled into the fetal position. This was strange looking as Doug was over six and a half feet tall and weighed three-hundred pounds if he weighed one. His full beard stretched down his chest; and his head was bald. He was sleeping with one hand under his thin pillow and the other hand in a fist, with his pointer finger extended. It appeared as if he was pointing to the tattoo on his forearm. Eric could not see the tattoo but he was familiar with the silhouette of an eagle grasping the swastika in its talons. Doug had been making Eric nervous. He was joking about prison sex with increasing frequency. Eric thought they were sounding less and less like jokes. As his turds left his body Eric wondered what Doug’s penis would feel like in comparison. The thought made him sick.
The flush woke Doug who acted like he was still asleep.

I never washed my hair this weekend; I just put it in a tie dyed shirt sheve

I review this past extended weekend. The drive in movie was Pete's first. We visited my sister's family camping. I cooked for more than twenty outside. I rode my bike for hours through dawn. I went shopping at small shops in downtown Fairborn. I went shopping at Super Walmart. I watched Spiderman with my son. I wore a cowboy hat. I got high in public. I did yoga in the morning. I lived the American experince. There is a unique culture that is distinctly American. It is the best society in history and in such a role it is a threat to lessor governments and cultures. Yesterday we remembered those men and women who defended us from anyone who stood against our way of life. I celebrate thier sacrafice by enjoying what they gave us. Fuck Janeane Garafolo. Danger

Truth, lies, and Swatches

I just don’t know anymore. Which way is up? Are things black or white? Everything I know is in question. I feel lied to. Eighties music has betrayed me. That sweet musical nectar lied. In my youth I came so many times to suckle from her nourising teat. Now they milk is sour. For I see the web of lies. The following chronicles the false prophesy of the eighties pop stars.

The rhythm isn’t necessarily gonna get me, in fact it usually doesn’t.

More than thirty years of second-hand store shopping, I’ve found no raspberry berets.

Yes, there have been a few bad apples but not everybody wants to rule the world.

It’s really not that hip to be square; it’s really kind of lame.

No one can watch me during every breath I take.

Girls want more than just to have fun.

Love is not a battlefield.

Your name is actually Susan Vega, and I know it.

Some people work on the weekend.

I don’t think either Darryl Hall or John Oats was a family man, if you know what I mean.

By the looks of it those fellows in Bon Jovi were living on more than a prayer.

At least we can be sure of some profound truths that were realized by the music artists of the eighties. It was insights like these that will insure that this decade’s artists are remembered as ‘the philosophical ones’.

Parents really don’t understand.

One thing does lead to another.

The Boss was born here in the USA.

She really is a material girl.

Yes, the Go-Go's do in fact have the beat.

It is, at the very least, hard to drive 55.

In hindsight, perhaps I should not have been so paralized with fear when Sting suggested that our continued existance depended on the evil Russians love for thier children. What truths or lies have you found from this decade of decadence?

10 Things NOT to Say During Sex

1. Sssshhhhhhhh. I’m pretending you’re mute.
2. Did the check for the electric bill ever cash? (applies to married couples)
3. Is that all you’ve got? You fuck like my grandma!
4. Hey, remember that show Different Strokes?
5. What’s the name of that new gal/guy at your work?
6. Watch out down there, I had Mexican for lunch today!
7. Don’t turn on the light; I like not knowing who you are.
8. I’ve got to be somewhere soon; I’m just going to masturbate.
9. I don’t know why you’d put THAT in your mouth
10. How do you feel about abortion?